Top 25 Funny & Famous Tax Quotes

April 15, 2012 | By: Manuel Vetti

funny tax quotesMany people claim having a sense of humor will get you through the most difficult of times – what’s more challenging than parting with your hard earned money to pay your income taxes? Everyone from politicians to comedians and authors has had something to say about the United States tax system – here are the top 25 funny tax quotes we’ve found:

  1. “I just filled out my income tax forms. Who says you can’t get killed by a blank?” – Milton Berle
  2. “Be wary of strong drink. It can make you shoot at tax collectors… and miss.” – Robert Heinlein
  3. “It’s income tax time again, Americans: time to gather up those receipts, get out those tax forms, sharpen up that pencil, and stab yourself in the aorta.” – Dave Barry
  4. “The politicians say “we” can’t afford a tax cut. Maybe we can’t afford the politicians.” – Steve Forbes
  5. “Two things you need to know about taxes. They’ve extended the deadline to April 18 (in reference to 2010 taxes), and when you write your check, just make it out to China.” – David Letterman
  6. “The U.S. Senate is considering a bill that would tax Botox. When Botox users heard this, they were horrified. Well, I think they were horrified. It’s difficult to tell.” – Craig Ferguson
  7. “Isn’t it appropriate that the month of the tax begins with April Fool’s Day and ends with cries of May Day!” – Robert Knauerhase
  8. “Tax day is the day that ordinary Americans send their money to Washington, D.C., and wealthy Americans send their money to the Cayman Islands.” – Jimmy Kimmel
  9. “On my income tax 1040 it says “Check this box if you are blind.” I wanted to put a check mark about three inches away.” – Tom Lehrer
  10. “Thinking is one thing no one has ever been able to tax.” – Charles Kettering
  11. “It is a good thing that we do not get as much government as we pay for.” – Will Rogers
  12. “The taxpayer: that’s someone who works for the federal government, but doesn’t have to take a civil service examination.” – Ronald Reagan
  13. “Worried about an IRS audit? Avoid what’s called a red flag. That’s something the IRS always looks for. For example, say you have some money left in your bank account after paying taxes. That’s a red flag.” – Jay Leno
  14. “I love America, but I can’t spend the whole year here. I can’t afford the taxes.” – Mick Jagger
  15. “When it comes to taxes, there are two types of people. There are those that get it done early, also known as psychopaths, and then the rest of us.” – Jimmy Kimmel
  16. “This is the season of the year when we discover that we owe most of our success to Uncle Sam.” – The Wall Street Journal
  17. “This is too difficult for a mathematician. It takes a philosopher.” – Albert Einstein, on filing tax returns.
  18. “Collecting more taxes than is absolutely necessary is legalized robbery.” – Calvin Coolidge
  19. “The art of taxation consists in so plucking the goose as to obtain the largest amount of feathers with the least amount of hissing.” – Jean-Baptiste Colbert
  20. “When there’s a single thief, it’s robbery. When there are a thousand thieves, it’s taxation.” – Vanya Cohen
  21. “Taxation with representation ain’t so hot either.” – Gerald Barzan
  22. “Capital punishment: The income tax.” – Jeff Hayes
  23. “If you get up early, work late, and pay your taxes, you will get ahead — if you strike oil.” – J. Paul Getty
  24. “Because of a holiday, the deadline for taxes is April 18, so you have three extra days to dig through restaurant dumpsters for receipts.” – Jimmy Kimmel
  25. “Another one of President Barack Obama’s nominees is having tax issues, which proves one thing: The Democrats like raising the taxes, but they hate paying them.” – Craig Ferguson